Highly unreliable autobiography
About Me
An extremely official biography, according to absolutely no official sources.
Jason Black entered the world in 1974, a year that historians now classify as 'probably not his fault.' After several decades of quietly collecting hobbies, he retired from an extended undercover assignment in information technology to pursue the great unanswered questions: Can a laser cutter be persuaded to make literally anything? How many apps can one person build before someone intervenes? And if an electric bicycle encounters a raccoon, which one is in charge? Jason now lives near the Gulf of Mexico, where he maintains a rigorous schedule of inventing mildly useful nonsense, analyzing things that didn't request analysis, and keeping a suspiciously detailed record of it all. Sources disagree on whether he is one person or a very small committee.
A brief, monumental history
Born. Local authorities declare the event “a development.”
Successfully negotiates a ceasefire between two competing toy civilizations.
Invents a new system for organizing things. Nobody asks for it; the system persists.
Discovers computers. Immediately begins a decades-long campaign to make them behave.
Becomes IT legend after asking, with unsettling precision, whether everyone has tried turning it off and on again.
Appointed unofficial Minister of Questions That Really Should Have Simple Answers.
Begins drafting the master plan for a laser-cut, pocket-sized moon. The project encounters zoning issues.
Wins the neighborhood’s prestigious “Most Tabs Open” award, uncontested.
Retires from the technology mines, triumphantly carrying several hundred unfinished ideas.
Establishes a small digital empire of apps, tiny experiments, and tools of debatable usefulness. The raccoons demand a seat on the board.
Important: the timeline is fictional satire inspired by real life. Only the birth year and general life themes have any claim to reality. The wallpaper has no defense.